Did we fall asleep and wake up in the perverted future?
If you’ve seen Westworld, you’ll know having sex with robots can be dangerous. (You’ll probably also know this if you’ve seen Doctor Who or tried to have sex with a Transformers toy.) You’ll be having the time of your life when suddenly their programming changes, turning their eyes glowy-red and then they kill you with a hidden chainsaw or something.
But that isn’t stopping the daily upgrades in sex-robot technology that mean cashed-up shoppers can ditch Tinder and set up a beautiful relationship with a partner whose only needs are regular cleaning with warm soapy water and a compatible charge cable. Imagine not having to deal with an actual human, with all their messy emotions and complaints about you not showering often enough! Plus they have realistic skin, an electronic heartbeat and hair that smells nice.
Naturally, everyone’s worried about the downside of a living doll that you can have sex with: they’re kinda creepy-looking, and the personalities being programmed into these things – frigid, adventurous, “oh so young” – aren’t exactly what you’d call feminism-friendly. Also, the manufacturers aren’t doing themselves any favours by comparing sex robots to vibrators… which… don’t really have personalities or customisable nipples, do they?
We’re not here to judge people for using sex toys, but this seems like something different, especially when you hear these stories: “There are many reasons we have heard from our customers, ranging from the sexual aspect to a domestic partner to art pieces enjoyed simply for their beauty… We have had customers marry their dolls, say that we had saved their lives because they felt like they had nothing to live for after the death of a spouse or the end of a relationship.”
So sex robots are works of art, suicide-prevention tools and/or replacements for dead wives. That sounds almost reasonable. Maybe we’re just being prudes. Maybe we’d even be curious about how these things operate… UNTIL WE REMEMBER THE HIDDEN CHAINSAWS.
Can’t fool us that easily, RealDolls Inc. We’re onto you.