It’s so easy to troll the media and government sometimes.
If you watch A Current Affair for a little while, you’ll realise they’re always on the hunt for something new to get outraged about. It’s the same all over the planet – people get older, they get more gullible and are all too happy to believe new drugs exist and kids are right into them.
Similarly, hang out in a school playground for a while and you’ll realise it’s easy to convince your classmates that – say – green M&Ms work like Viagra or something. Here are five examples of hilarious drug hoaxes.
Jenkem is too gross to exist
What’s the best way to start a drug rumour? Pretend it’s happening somewhere overseas. And so we learnt about jenkem – fermented human poo and wee – which Zambian street kids were using as a hallucinogen. Of course, the real panic began when American authorities heard their children were collecting raw sewage and using a bottle/balloon apparatus to get those sweet arse fumes. Here’s an actual bulletin one sheriff’s office sent out.
Apparently you could smoke Smarties (somehow)
Before M&Ms turned up to ruin everything, Smarties were the little round chocolates of choice for schoolkids. So it makes sense that kids would start to believe you could snort the blue ones like cocaine. No, wait, that makes no sense at all – until you realise this rumour floated over to Aussie schoolyards from American ones. Over there, Smarties are more like fizzy sherbert lollies, so you could technically grind them to powder. Neither sweet treats will get you high – although you will get a very sore nostril.
Miaow Miaow turns out to be real, spoiling 1/5 of my article
According to a Rolling Stone article from 2014, “On December 29th of last year, a British 19 year old, home for the holidays and geeked on meow meow, stabbed his mother before cutting off his own penis with the same knife.” That’s not heaps funny, so let’s move on.
Bananadine was a joke that idiots took seriously
Originally dreamed up as a way to make the banning of marijuana – a naturally occurring plant – look stupid, bananadine was meant to be a drug that came from banana peels. But then people started believing it was real, leading to generations of wannabe stoners hanging around monkey enclosures at the zoo. Oh, and the US Food and Drug Administration investigated “the possible hallucinogenic effects of banana peels”, because it’s that easy to fool the government.
Cake was the subject of a hilarious piece of TV
There used to be a British comedy TV show called Brass Eye, and in one episode they tricked a bunch of celebrities and politicians into joining the fight against a made-up drug called “cake” – a bright yellow, giant tablet with all sorts of ridiculous side-effects like “Czech Neck”. You can watch it here, so I don’t need to talk about it anymore. I’m going to the “bakery” for a “slice”.