February 22, 2017 How to waste time on the internet

Stick with us, and the hours will fly by!

It’s tough out there in the online space, especially when you’ve got assignments due and the clock’s ticking. Obviously you’re not going to do your best work until the very last minute, so you need something to pass the time. Here are five ways you can waste heaps of time online, in order to really get your adrenaline pumping just before deadline.

Play some pointless games that never end

Games don’t always have to be the flash new thing from some AAA company that poured millions of dollars into graphics, celebrity voices and jaw-droppingly interactive experiences. Sometimes they’re about repeatedly punching a wall. Like, over and over and over again. Until you realise the sun has gone down and it’s time for bed, where you’ll dream about repeatedly punching a wall.

Try a bit of harmless stalking

Made a new friend on social media recently? Why not trawl through every single thing they’ve ever posted? Or maybe you’ve just remembered the name of the kid you were besties with in kindergarten, before they moved away. Now’s the time to search for them online and see what they’ve been up to since the ol’ finger-painting days. Another fun thing to do is go into someone’s profile, scroll way back through their photos and like a random one.

Go down a Wikipedia wormhole

There’s a whole universe of interesting information on Wikipedia, and most of it has nothing to do with your assignment. Scientists aren’t sure why, but if you have to write an essay on Russian politics in the early 20th century, you’ll suddenly be fascinated in how Ronald McDonald has changed over the years. Similarly, if you have to make a project about fast food mascots, the Russian Revolution will be the most interesting thing ever. Best of all, Wikipedia is full of links so you can read about random stuff forever and ever. (Expert tip: TV Tropes is another great site for endless reading.)

What’s happening on YouTube?

You know exactly what’s happening on YouTube – billions and billions of videos that require your immediate attention. Old film clips, retro ads, the stupidest animations ever and the entire works of Daxflame. Look, it’s important to watch as much of this stuff as possible, or there might be a meme that doesn’t make sense to you. Oh, and remember that song about the badgers? Watch that for a bit, too.

Memes are always good

These days memes come and go so quickly that it can be a full-time job keeping up with all the references, meanings, evolutions and changes. Fortunately there’s Know Your Meme, so you can get the basics down and start laughing at the ridiculous number of jokes people come up with seconds after something happens. If that’s not enough to pass the time, you can also waste hours making your own and hoping they go viral.

Shane Cubis
is a contributor to A•STAR